I don't know why but suddenly I've started to feel a bit down, like I did before my amazing trip to Africa. There's no reason for it, every things going fine, life's okay. So why do I feel this way? I could probably list some symptoms or think of some causes but then where does that leave me. With a list of problems, some with no solution. Sometimes listing things is the best way to organise yourself. Just empty your mind, write all your concerns, worries and thoughts onto a page (or computer screen) and get it all out. In the open. Okay here goes:
- People. I feel like I'm fed up of people. I don't feel like I have anyone to 100% rely on. There seems to be issues with all of my friendships- majority I just blame myself and go into a state of self loathing. I feel like I need to let go of some people but then I get confused because I don't know who to hold on to. I know I have people in my life who I love and I want to keep in my life but then I don't know how. Voicing all of this to someone is hard, it doesn't make sense in my head so how can I make words about it?
- Lately with certain friends I've felt excluded from conversation: technology is your worst enemy when it comes to keeping friendships. And I'm struggling to hold on. Do I want to hold on?
- I've recently been running around because I've be offered a job but I don't know if i should take it. I'm scared of getting overwhelmed in my third year- this job is more complex than I originally thought. Now what to I do? Reject the job from being scared or say yes and solider through. I'm so torn.
- Relationships. Men. I'm really starting to think more about it, about certain people. Missing them. Its not healthy. It needs to stop.
- I feel like I have zero motivation to do anything. I've stopped challenging myself, I don't want to go out or see people its too much effort when I know I wont enjoy it anyway's. Friendships suffer.
Basically there's a lot going in my small mind and its pouring out over the sides. But I feel like I have no one to talk to. So the best thing I could think of what writing it here, were no on looks anyway's and I can ramble and not have to say sorry.
justthatgirlvicky
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