My last post was really a depressing list of reason why I think I'm feeling rubbish. I reread today and thought to myself if I still felt the same, if I regret writing the words- was there any truth to them. I came to the conclusion that I start feeling this way a lot when I come home. Then it hit me. I'm going through a quarter life crisis.
That's right. A mid life crisis but at 20 something. Now some people may read this like "seriously? Your life hasn't even started what is there to worry about?". Now on some level I do agree but then there is a lot to be said about the fear of starting life.
'The 20 something crisis' is something that, I believe, hits us students when we are anticipating leaving the safety of our homes and comfy financed live's, actually going out into the real world. Starting 3rd Year is a massive deal. Its your last year of education and then you have to decide where you go from there. Along with the looming grey cloud that's rolling in you have to deal with the little things. And that's were life can get a bit much.
I was on the phone to a close friend last night and we were chatting about the division of your life when you go to university. You totally uproot yourself to a completely new place and make a life there, friends, home and education. But then you're coming home for holidays and moving all your things back for four months. Now the only things this place holds for you are your family and old friends. You have meet ups maybe twice a year, everyone catches up with each other, they 'miss each other'. You meet up with people you used to spent everyday with during college/sixth form or whatever. This sounding familiar? For me, I constantly find myself needing to find new conversation. You catch up and find out what everyone's up to but then were does it go from there?Gossip seems to be the done thing to do but then for that you actually need some. I sit there with people I've spent years of my childhood with and I'm just forcing a smile. I do, or though, have a handful of people that I know I can talk to and spent time with without that feeling.
It seems like old friendships are over, but that's totally natural. People enter your life and people leave it. That's totally fine because some people will hold on. But then the question hits me, how the hell do you avoid these situations if you don't want to be in them? That's the odd thing, I don't want to just blank people out of my life.
I feel like this really answers the whole 'fed up of people' thing I have going on. Its hard to feel happy and wanted when social situations get a little tiring. You just have to surround yourself with the people that do keep you sane and make you happy, all be it over a phone call.
justthatgirlvicky
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